Not Your Average Air Travel Story: Week of March 26

Someone must not fly all that often: A man was arrested at the Philadelphia airport after TSA agents found flash powder and fireworks in his luggage. Both of which are, you know, not allowed on planes.

Slapping, kicking, punching: A 50-year-old woman on a Charlotte-to-Fort Meyers, Fla. flight was arrested after allegedly attacking the cabin crew of a US Airways flight after not being served alcohol. Did we mention she was already drunk? Cause she was.

It’s called a seat belt: A family was removed from an Alaska Airlines flight because their young child refused to remain seated. The family was greeted by police at the gate.

Did he even want to fly? Pretty sure this guy knew he had all these guns and all this ammo on his person.

No exit: Guy who repeatedly tried to open an airplane door in mid-flight is sentenced to 10 months in a small, cramped cell. Hey, it’ll be just like flying!

Plane thieves: While passengers slept on a Singapore flight, 2 wide-awake thieves found $5K in a single bag. Moral: Don’t steal – and don’t fly with so much cash, you knucklehead.

We don’t need no stinkin’ baggage: Terrible odor from checked-bag in Boston airport sends TSA guys to hospital. Body parts? No – rat repellant. Of course!

Bad passengers: Supposedly the Port Authority of NY wants flyers who cause delays to pay thousands in fines. Well, Alec Baldwin can afford it.

Domo arigato: Boeing delivered two 787 Dreamliners to Japan Airlines. That’s two down, 43 to go.

Old stews: Haters who gripe about past-their-prime flight attendants should meet Ron Akana. He’s still pushing drink carts for United – at age 83.

New stews: Buy the elegant lipstick worn by Virgin flight attendants for $23. Ask for Upper Class Red. Then go back to coach where you belong (hey, it’s where I belong).

Weird stews: Male flight attendant collects female flight attendant uniforms.

Movie madness: Are you a Hunger Games fan? Head to North Carolina now, cause it’s about to get crazy-busy with fans swarming filming sites.

If I ever start a band: I’m going to name it Capt. Autopilot.

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Published: March 30, 2012