Not Your Average Air Travel Stories: Week of Jan. 30

Patriots score first touchdown! OK, not in the Super Bowl per se, but their plane was first to land in Indianapolis – or touchdown as they say in secret airline lingo.

Dining Secrets of Super Bowl Travelers. First, find cheap flights to Indy. Second, try regional haute cuisine like sugar cream pie, breaded pork tenderloin sandwich, corn dogs. Yes, corn dogs. Foie gras-on-a-stick.

Stairway to Heaven? Don’t have that, either. Fumes forced a Qantas 767 to divert┬áto tiny Mt. Isa Airport in Queensland but passengers couldn’t get off since there were no stairs tall enough for the plane. Hello, evacuation by forklift.

Ewww! The big stink that forced the Qantas plane to divert? A dirty diaper.

Most watched movie in hotel rooms. Get your mind out of that X-rated gutter – it was “The Descendants.”

Next: Venti lattes on moon. World domination now complete as Alaska Airlines announces switch to Starbucks coffee. Is this what Alaska passengers were praying for?

Crabby Cabbies at DFW: Dallas cabbies are in a snit over airport policy that allows ‘green’ cabs to jump to the head of the line. It is not known if any of the angry taxi drivers said, “You talkin’ to me?”

Oh, yeah. I ordered that plane: A brand-new, unmarked Boeing 747-8 Intercontinental took off from Everett, Wash., this week. Where’s it going? No idea. It had no markings, paint or logos. It has been purchased by an unnamed VIP customer.

Metal Bird vs. Real Bird: The real bird won. A United Airlines flight from Chicago to Portland, Ore., turned around after hitting a bird on takeoff and landed back at O’Hare International Airport. No one was injured. Except for the bird. :(

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Published: February 3, 2012