Not Your Average Air Travel Stories: Week of Feb. 13

Sex sex sex. Now that we have your attention, Flamingo Air is offering ‘Mile High Club’ flights. No, the airline is not based in New York or Las Vegas or Miami. Try Cincinnati.

Sexy underwear. Are you easily offended? Then don’t look here to see the Ryanair ads featuring flight attendants in teeny-tiny undies that the BBC is going to ban.

Shiver me timbers. Two more cannonballs turn up at security. Makes the grenade launcher look kinda pathetic.

Dirty Harry Redux. A loaded gun was found at – ah, forget it. I don’t get out of bed for a loaded gun story anymore. A chain saw, maybe.

What, no taffy? Turkish Airlines has Valentine’s treats – cupcakes and chocolate – on all U.S/Istanbul flights this week. Even for us cheapskates in economy. Whee!

That’s a lot of planes. Indonesian’s Lion Air has ordered 230 jets from Boeing – a deal valued at $22 billion. Or as the Associated Press is calling it, Boeing’s “biggest order ever.” Sounds about right. Fun fact: Web Editor Collin Quick took a year of Indonesian as his language requirement in college. He can only remember a few phrases.

He had good intentions. A man on an unnamed Vietnam flight helped a woman get her and her crying baby off the plane faster while on the tarmac … by opening the emergency exit door, thusly deploying the emergency slide. He’s been fined $950 and it will cost $10,000 to replace the slide. Sadly, the mom didn’t take advantage of the expensive ride on the slide.

He knew he would have the munchies. TSA workers at Oakland International Airport found a bag of marijuana inside a peanut butter jar. The passenger was cited for possession and missed his original flight. No jelly and bread were found in the man’s luggage.

Say, where’s my 6-carat diamond? Woman says US Airways made her check a carryon holding $160K in jewels. Airline says, we told you to take them out. Guess what happened? Guess who’s not responsible?

Will they play Words with Friends? British Airways is outfitting 1,200 crew members with iPads to reduce papers and help them find information faster. No word yet if they will have to be turned off during take offs and landings.

Oh, Sparky! Pt. 1. United changes pet transport fees and prices zoom especially in Japan. Shipping a Husky to Honshu could now cost thousands.

Oh, Sparky! Pt. 2. More pets died on Delta last year than any other carrier. New slogan: “You’ll love the way we fly. Your mastiff may not.”

Wish this was a joke: Omaha Cops were tipped off by a hotel shuttle bus driver that a Frontier pilot may have been drunk. Was he? Dunno, but he didn’t fly. Thanks, bus driver.

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Published: February 17, 2012